Thank you so much bc I feel this so deeply. Like so few are talking about how these “in touch w their feminine side” (low key queerbaiting in my experience) are just doing it to attract women’s attention, just in a more roundabout way. To me, depending on the motive, it feels just as insidious.
I appreciated the point made here because it was kinda only half baked in my head. I really enjoy how you articulate your opinions. Regarding men’s relationship with masculinity, I think it’s more complicated though. Your theorising seems to me an accurate study of many white ‘modern men’ who live/grew up in the West.
Your theory does apply to me in some ways, but my more effeminate and positive form of masculinity isn’t even close to being primarily motivated by wanting a better chance with women. I’ve moved from the UK where I grew up to a former British colony that my parents are from. The conservative society has more influence over people, even the most radical leftists, so I’m not making myself more appealing to women here.
My reimagining of masculinity is an unlearning of the internalised homophobia within British imperialism that’s eradicating effeminate aspects of my colonised culture; it’s also me distancing myself from patriarchal violence, abuse and emotional numbness I’ve faced as a man; and lastly it’s an exploration of my sexuality. I think it would help to think more globally and to take in decolonial perspectives on these matters.
Thank you for your compliments and also for the nuanced take you've shared Ziziros. It's expanded my perspective. I knew while writing that my "theory" is that of a Western man and Western culture's definition of masculinity -- men change their self expression for more reasons than sex with women, and your reason is so beautiful! A de-colonial lens would add sm to this discussion, though I am a Western woman so maybe that's where you come in haha. I'd love to read a piece on that if you ever wrote one, and I'm inspired that you've been working to reclaim the nuanced beauty of masculinity that was flattened by colonialism.
Thank you so much bc I feel this so deeply. Like so few are talking about how these “in touch w their feminine side” (low key queerbaiting in my experience) are just doing it to attract women’s attention, just in a more roundabout way. To me, depending on the motive, it feels just as insidious.
I appreciated the point made here because it was kinda only half baked in my head. I really enjoy how you articulate your opinions. Regarding men’s relationship with masculinity, I think it’s more complicated though. Your theorising seems to me an accurate study of many white ‘modern men’ who live/grew up in the West.
Your theory does apply to me in some ways, but my more effeminate and positive form of masculinity isn’t even close to being primarily motivated by wanting a better chance with women. I’ve moved from the UK where I grew up to a former British colony that my parents are from. The conservative society has more influence over people, even the most radical leftists, so I’m not making myself more appealing to women here.
My reimagining of masculinity is an unlearning of the internalised homophobia within British imperialism that’s eradicating effeminate aspects of my colonised culture; it’s also me distancing myself from patriarchal violence, abuse and emotional numbness I’ve faced as a man; and lastly it’s an exploration of my sexuality. I think it would help to think more globally and to take in decolonial perspectives on these matters.
Thank you for your compliments and also for the nuanced take you've shared Ziziros. It's expanded my perspective. I knew while writing that my "theory" is that of a Western man and Western culture's definition of masculinity -- men change their self expression for more reasons than sex with women, and your reason is so beautiful! A de-colonial lens would add sm to this discussion, though I am a Western woman so maybe that's where you come in haha. I'd love to read a piece on that if you ever wrote one, and I'm inspired that you've been working to reclaim the nuanced beauty of masculinity that was flattened by colonialism.
real